I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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