You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
