this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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