she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
