do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
