woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
