he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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