I'm eating all of the evidence.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
