tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
