I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
