who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
