I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
