So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
