true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
