It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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