I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
