NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
