took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
