i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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