I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
