I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
