I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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