I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
