Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
