If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
