I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
