This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
