she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
