I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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