I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
