I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
