I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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