Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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