I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
