cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
