i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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