cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
