what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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