so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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