yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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