My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
