We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
