We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
