I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
