Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
