he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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