I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
