Screwed.edu
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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