i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
