We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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